I Deserve to Live by Vicky Ferguson

posted in: Uncategorized | 7

I lost my mum to suicide September 23rd, 2013. In reflection, I was already very depressed and having suicidal thoughts myself. Trying to juggle a manager’s position, 3 kids, a home and trying to look after my mum was breaking me. My mum’s suicide nearly tipped me over the edge. I was so angry that I could have ripped the clouds from the sky. The anger, rejection, and abandonment killed me. I fought with my husband. I was so consumed with anger and grief and I couldn’t concentrate on anything.

My breaking point was getting drunk and getting arrested. My arms were nearly broken and I spent a night in the cells. My anxiety was through the roof and I made a decision then that I could not do this to myself or my family anymore.

My mum was dead but I had to be strong. I took the medication and I went into therapy. I’m not going to say that it’s easy but I’m going to say that I deserve to live and I deserve to be happy. I want to fight for me and my kids and not put them through the same. Some days are good and some are bad but that’s ok and Its ok to just be ok. I can be content with that.

7 Responses

  1. Jan Bassier
    | Reply

    Well done – to make the decision to live, to be there for your own kids, to do what you need to do to become healthy – it’s all a way of honoring yourself, and yes, even honoring your mum. You do deserve to live – your life does matter – I hope you continue to make those choices. Thank you for sharing – take care ~

  2. Dianna
    | Reply

    It IS OK to be “just” OK. You are giving yourself and your family a great gift by embracing life. I wish you the very best and I thank you for sharing.

  3. Elizabeth Roark
    | Reply

    I lost my 18 year old son to sucide nov. 29 2015
    its been the hardest thing in my life ive ever had to go through and i still suffer til this day

    • Elizabeth Roark
      | Reply

      I truely know about drinking and the pain i always feel everyday like i just lost him,the pain is unbearabled

  4. Julie Davis
    | Reply

    Thank you for sharing your story Vicky. I can totally relate to the pain you experienced. I lost my older brother to suicide June 2012. Yes, we do deserve to live full lives and we can honor our loved ones lives by doing so. <3 You are beautiful and your Mom was too. May God bless you and continue to heal you. <3

  5. Rosie
    | Reply

    Thank you for sharing. Yes it’s OK to have our emotions, necessary (it’s been a painful learning for me too) it’s OK to be OK. I am greatful for your honesty and your courage, in working through and being there for your family and yourself too. I also am there for my kids, husband and self, a work in progress. I have found enough help. Sadly my mother couldn’t back in the days she died. It’s good to know we are not alone in our struggles I have found.

  6. nicky tighe
    | Reply

    vicky, i have been through similar to you and i too found myself at breaking point, luckily for me i discovered a natural therapy ,which has helped me and many others,it is free ,natural, and 100% safe,i would love to share it with you,but first we need to talk. get in touch…..by the way , how is our sarah ?

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