Healing is a journey.
It is a journey straight through your heart.
Most of us have grown up afraid of pain. Afraid of death. Afraid of suffering. Afraid.
What does this fear do to us? It creates more suffering. It makes us try to hide from our pain and avoid it. It tries to trick us into stuffing down our emotions.
What do I think I have done to heal that was crucial? I broke open my heart. Yes, my heart cracked in half when my late husband died. And then? I busted it open even further.
Break open your heart, listen to your pain, find your healing.
Your heart knows everything about you. It knows every joy, every laugh, every memory, and every pain. It knows what to do to heal itself. Will your heart ever be fully healed and back to new? I don’t think so. But the cracks fill with gold and your heart expands. Let it expand. Don’t let it shrivel up and become bitter and cold. Go into your heart and listen for your healing.
When my late husband died I tried to push away the pain. Yes, at first the pain was excruciating. I can hardly even describe it but days after he died I would sit on my couch late at night, my heart burning and beating in my ears, my entire body in pain, my head pounding, my soul screaming….me posting messages to my dead husband on his Facebook page in hopes that somehow this was a way that he could hear me or that someone would please read my pain and come and hug me until it disappeared. The pain was almost unbearable. Almost. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to blink. It just hurt. It was the shittiest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life and I wanted to die. I tried so hard to push away that pain but then something whispered in my ear to write my grief, to go inside of my heart and listen. So I did. And that’s when my true healing journey began. I stepped straight into my broken heart and I listened to what it had to say. I listened to it when it said it was pissed off that my husband left with no goodbye. I listened to it when it said it felt unworthy of ever finding love again. I listened to it when it just said…….it hurts…it hurts so much. And I listened to it when it told me to rest. My heart knew the way.
I have been on a healing journey now for almost two years. Am I “over” my grief? No. It’s different now. The wound is still there. The loss….the missing person….my children not having their Dad….our lost future……..that loss will always be there beside me in my life. But I have learned how to honor that. How to realize that it’s okay. It’s okay to still have a wound but yet still want more life. It’s okay to know your grief is still in your heart but be brave enough to do things that will get people talking. My grief will be with me in some way or another for the rest of my life. And that’s okay. It’s a part of me. I’ve made it a cozy and warm spot in my heart for it to stay. I’ve learned how to love myself through it all……the hard days, the messy days, the crying days, and the happy and joyful days. It’s life. It’s just life. Life has no plan. The plans you think you’re making for your future? They aren’t yours yet. Live for today as much as you can. Tell fear to hit the road or just pack it in your backpack and get out there and live. All of this is true no matter if you are grieving the death of a loved one, battling the emotions of a divorce, tackling your own self-worth and self-love, or struggling to find your purpose in life. It’s all a journey through your heart. Slow down and listen to what your heart is telling you. Slow down and listen to the things you say about your pain and what that might mean and what might still need some more healing. Are you still bitter about your Ex leaving you? Are you still mad that your spouse died by suicide? Are you mad at yourself because you just can’t accept yourself until you lose 20 pounds? Are you screaming to the universe to give you a clue to what the hell your purpose and passion in this life is supposed to be?
Go inside of your heart. Write down your struggles. Write down what you love about yourself and your life despite and maybe because of those struggles.
Follow your heart. Follow your intuition. It always, always knows the way to your healing, to your renewed life, to your purpose, to your truth, to your path.
Accept that sometimes the wound, the suffering, the grief will last just a little tiny bit….forever….and that’s okay. Feel it. Listen to it. Love yourself through it. Heal it.
Then let it be. Just let it be and get out there and live your life.
Nik Tebbe writes a lot about her journey after her husband’s suicide. She has a great website full of pieces just like this one. You can read more by visiting her HERE.
You can find the original piece here: “Healing is a Journey Straight Through Your Heart.”