Time by Madelyn Snyder

posted in: Uncategorized | 8

Two Months
I’m allowed to cry every day
I’m allowed to hurt in every way
I’m allowed to suffer
I’m allowed to regret
I’m allowed to wish and never forget
I’m allowed to hurt every time I breathe
I’m allowed to be quiet
I’m allowed to grieve
I’m allowed to listen to depressing songs
I’m allowed to forget and then feel all wrong
I’m allowed to say I’m only “OK”
I’m allowed to not know what to say
I’m allowed to get mad
I’m allowed to scream
I’m allowed to suffer
I’m allowed to believe
I’m allowed to never want to be whole again
Just let me miss my best friend

 

Nine Years
I’m allowed to smile every day
I’m allowed to feel joy in every way
I’m allowed to love
I’m allowed to forgive
I’m allowed to wish and continue to live
I’m allowed to be glad every time I breathe
I’m allowed to laugh
I’m allowed to dream
I’m allowed to sing joyful songs
I’m allowed to try and even belong
I’m allowed to be more than OK
I’m allowed to have something to say
I’m allowed to love
I’m allowed to achieve
I’m allowed to forgive
I’m allowed to believe
I’m allowed to feel whole again
And I still miss my best friend

Either Way
Today it’s been 9 years
tomorrow may be 2 months again
I’m allowed to feel both

and still miss my best friend

 


This photo was taken on my wedding day: 7 years after losing my friend, Justin, to suicide. I got
the tattoo in his honor 3 years after his loss.

8 Responses

  1. Jan Bassier
    | Reply

    Beautiful ~ thank you for sharing. This fits many types of grieving. It is beautiful ~

    • Madelyn Snyder
      | Reply

      Thank you so much. I wrote the first half as a 16 year old dealing with my friend’s loss. It was really amazing for me to revisit it this year, at age 25, seeing how grief has transformed my life and my life has transformed my grief.

  2. 'chelle
    | Reply

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful words.
    It is exactly how I feel, and reading them makes me feel just a little lighter.
    With appreciation…and hope for many blessings for you. 🙂

    • Madelyn Snyder
      | Reply

      Thank you so much for your response. I am so honored that I can be a part of your community as we travel this grief journey. Thank you for your encouragement.

  3. Teri Stis
    | Reply

    Thank you for giving me a different perspective than I have had thus far. My husband committed suicide 10 months ago and it is a day to day thing for me and I wonder if my pain will ever be lesser as I miss him everyday and in every way. Your words help me to know that days that are lighter may be coming some time. God bless you.

    • Madelyn Snyder
      | Reply

      I’m so sorry for your loss. You will never stop missing him, loving him. But I pray that you find lighter times and that those emotions are less debilitating. I believe they will be over time. But that does not negate what you are going through right now. My prayers are with you.

  4. Kathy
    | Reply

    Very beautifully written, and exactly describes what the grieving process has been for so many of us. In those first months the loss and pain is so intense it does not seem possible that there could ever be laughter or light moments.
    I lost my brother five years, three months and 20 days ago (New Years Eve)
    Every year on the anniversary and on his birthday I hear from his best friend. I know he is the other person who feels this loss as deeply as I do.
    Love and peace to you, and congratulations on your wedding 🙂

    • Madelyn Snyder
      | Reply

      Thank you so much, Kathy. I am sorry for the loss of your brother. I am very close with my friend’s family and we do talk around anniversaries and birthdays – and other times when we can! It means so much to hear from a family member that connection is meaningful to you too. I want to assure you, that best friend treasures their relationship with you as well.

Leave a Reply