The Pain by Gina Churchwell

posted in: Uncategorized | 17

Sometimes I just sit. I stare blankly, focusing on nothing. I’m quiet and still. The pain is so oppressive it sits on me and in me and I can do nothing but sit with it. I forget to breathe sometimes, so I manage to think…”inhale, exhale…inhale, exhale”…also “blink, Gina, remember to blink.” My eyes are so damned dry anyway, thanks … Read More

That One Dream by Brandy Lidbeck

posted in: Uncategorized | 30

My mom died by suicide 26 years ago and in those 26 years, I have had exactly one dream in which she appeared. One dream. That’s it. I hear people, all the time, mentioning the dreams their loved ones have been in and how comforted they were after seeing them. That has not been my experience. The one dream I … Read More

I Lost My Best Friend by Rebekah Byrd

posted in: Uncategorized | 7

My son was my best friend, we could talk about anything. At times I would be angry because he would call me in the middle of the night just to talk or say, “I love you, mom.”  Now, I would give anything for a call just to talk or just to say, “I love you, mom.” It has been almost three years since I … Read More

What would you say now? by Sabina Zunguze

posted in: Uncategorized | 6

What would you say now? A letter to my Angel who blessed us with her beautiful heart. When you are told the pain will never go away – that is no lie. It is now 6 long months since you left this earth but there is no day that I wake up without thinking that I am just living a … Read More

Did You Know? by Dianna Matzo

posted in: Uncategorized | 19

My sister Amanda… It’s been just over two years now. Did you know when you shot yourself that you would take the whole family with you in one way or another? Confidence in our perception of reality, hope for the future, peace in each day, and emotional and physical health, have all been stolen from your siblings. The old is … Read More

The Blame Game by Brook Sanders

posted in: Uncategorized | 8

It is human nature to be curious. “Why?” is the most commonly asked question among any age group. When someone dies by suicide, people automatically want to know why. There has to be a reason. Who did what to them? Someone had to have pissed them off. Thus starts the blame game. It’s the spouse’s fault, it’s the mother’s fault, … Read More

Guilt vs. Responsibility and Healing by Brook Sanders

posted in: Uncategorized | 10

It is imperative that we, as suicide loss survivors, are able to differentiate between guilt and responsibility. Even still, almost two years later, I feel guilty every day that my boyfriend died by suicide. I feel guilty that I didn’t recognize the telltale signs. I feel guilty that I lived with the man and I was supposed to be the … Read More

Solo Parenting a Grieving Child by Emily Vaden

posted in: Uncategorized | 9

My husband, Troy, took his life on May 12th 2015. In the 800 and some odd days since, I’ve learned a lot about grieving, parenting and being kinder to myself along the way. 1) Self-care is non-negotiable.                   The way I look at it, I’m the only captain of this ship now. If I go down, there’s no one left. … Read More

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